Permission Slips: You have permission to be uncool
By Tamra Wade
When I was a young woman I often found myself in situations where I forced myself to ‘be cool’. I went to a school with a wide boundary. It was predominantly a very wealthy school. In comparison, I was not a wealthy child.
The house I grew up in was great. We had more than we needed. Even though we had a pool and many horses, my house was modest in comparison to many of the houses my friends had. I was keenly aware of the difference.
Any time I was over at a friend’s house I never let on that their house was massive. I never let on that their house felt like a resort. Instead, I quailed my excitement. I stuffed my feelings. In many ways I didn’t even look around or actually take in what I was seeing.
It makes me sad now when I remember how I behaved. I wish now I would have ran around exclaiming, “No way! Look at that! You have one of those? How many rooms are in this place?” I wish I had given myself permission to act authentically and really take in the experience. I wish I had allowed my friend to see my excitement and share it with me.
Many years later I stumble upon Brene Brown and her book The Gifts of Imperfection and learned about vulnerability, and my perfectionism. I was using this cool behavior to shield myself from the harsh judgment of others. ‘Keeping cool’ was keeping my feelings away. It was keeping me from connecting.
Brene Brown is a social scientist who studies shame and vulnerability. In many of her speeches and in her online class she shares how she uses permission slips to allow herself to be uncool. She points out that our culture’s preoccupation with criticism and acting ‘cool’ has pushed people to act like they don’t care, “It’s almost like disengagement is cool now,” Brene says. “You’re not supposed to care.”
Brene says acting cool is a form of armor to protect ourselves from vulnerability. Giving yourself permission is a way to take down that shield and allow yourself to feel and connect. You give yourself permission to care and its amazing.
Brene says, “People ask me all the time, ‘Why do you always wear jeans or a blue jean jacket?’” Brown says. “You know why? Pockets. I keep permission slips that say, ‘You have permission to be excited when you meet Oprah. You have permission to be giddy. You have permission to laugh. You have permission to ask for a picture. You have permission to be completely uncool.’”
She goes on to say how easy it would be to move through life as a cynic and being closed off to feeling experiences, but making this pledge to herself she is open to feeling, “At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to be able to say — I’m probably going to cry,” she says, choking up, “that I contributed more than I criticized.”
Brene has a six-week ecourse, Oprah’s Lifeclass Presents Brené Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection. I have been through most of this course and it is so amazing. It is very transformative. It has changed me profoundly.
So how can you create your own permission slip?
PERMISSION SLIPS
First list what you need to give yourself permission for.
RECOMMENDED MATERIALS
In Brene’s class she has us create our permission slip in an art project. And you can do it too! She suggests using:
A journal
Watercolors
Waterproof pens
Markers
Anything you want – whatever art materials you have on hand and want to use to decorate your journal use’m! 
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Crack open your journal—don’t be intimidated! Let go of perfection and get messy!
2. Skip the first page and save it for another assignment later in the course.
3.What do you have to give yourself permission to do when you’re doing something scary? Draw permission slips in your journal or simply write them down as a list. Answer this question:
I give myself permission to __________.
List as many things as you can think of. Some of what were shared in our Paper Hope Meet Up when we created them, I give myself permission to:
Be silly
Rest
Get loud
Be messy
Be nerdy
Say no
Be angry
Be forgiving
- Decorate the page by using colored pens or markers and watercolors to create the permission slips or list.
My eleven year old daughter’s permission slip is pictured here.
If you don’t feel like being arty, simply list what you need to give yourself permission for. Do what Brene does. Tuck those slips in the pockets of your clothing to remind yourself that you are worthy of connection. You have given yourself permission to connect, fully engage and connect. You have given yourself permission to be vulnerable.
Enjoy Brene tell you in her own words: Why Brene Brown Gives Herself Permission to be Uncool
The post Permission Slips: You have permission to be uncool By Tamra Wade appeared first on Paper Hope.